Whether a personal loss was sudden or anticipated, the grief that follows is never easy on anyone. It is intense, long-lasting, and no matter how quick you may want to rid yourself of it, it doesn’t loosen its grip so easily.

It makes you angry, sad, shocked, guilty and maybe even a combination of these. A griever may find themselves overthinking their present state, calculating mistakes and missteps that led them to their loss and worrying incessantly about what the future holds. Will this doom surpass? Will life ever be the same? Did I bring this upon myself?

The questions are plenty and will puzzle out with some emotional labour and the healing effects of time. But we do have four practical tips that can help you cope with grief better; check them out:

Remember… Grief has no timeline:

Therapist and Author Nick Wignall says – “I don’t think there’s any way to know how long your grief “should” last. It’s important to acknowledge this inherent uncertainty instead of fighting against it by putting artificial deadlines on your grief, which often backfire.”

That puzzles out the most thrown around question on grief- “When will it end?” It’s human to put a date on something that’s eating you from the inside. However, unfortunately, there comes no day when grief comes to a grinding halt. Yes, it does lessen with time, but to believe that you won’t be overwhelmed with sadness at a trigger that reminds you of the significant loss is turning a blind eye to the obvious. 

You will be sad or regretful when you’re reminded of someone or something you lost, even after sharing the grieving process with others. You will eventually grow to accept the finality of the loss and make your peace with it. 

Your grief shouldn’t be sized up against someone else’s 

Your friend’s breakup recovery doesn’t have to look like yours. They could be on a staycation, feverishly tweeting everything around while you may be sulking in your pyjama eating oats thrice a day. 

You both are doing your share of processing and coping with grief. The bizarre difference is because everyone’s life and circumstances and the nature of their loss are unique. Even though the form of your distress may look similar on the surface, it’s an interplay of multiple complex factors. (Leave the deets to the professionals.)

Contrasting and comparing your grief against someone else’s also invalidates it. This spirals into you feeling bad about feeling bad. The piling up of these negative emotions doesn’t do good to your healing.

Resist from sizing up of any kind; grief is too dark and complex to be compared.

Seek out social support

Lean into friends and family who respect your grief rather than dismissing it. It is a healthy choice to surround yourself with empathetic people and work in the best of your interests in testing times like these.

You could join grieving support communities both online and offline for when you feel alone, adrift and need someone to talk to. Connecting with people who have experienced a similar loss helps you feel validated and understood. You could also be reaching out to people to speak to them in a light mood. It doesn’t always have to be a “processing” of grief always. Let yourself feel happy when you do this; grievers often guilt themselves into believing that they didn’t love the loss so much. This could be an uptick in your healing process; watch out!

Prioritize self-care

Rumpled sheets, empty cans of food littered around, sticky hair, a stomach that is more upset than ever – loss and grief does that to people. Routines and healthy habits go for a toss, which further amplifies the devastating condition.

It is hence essential to note that despite the disarray and disorder that has overcome you, you will have to muscle up for important self-care.

• Diet and Nutrition – Undereating and overeating both negatively impact your physical and emotional health. You will have to pull a plug on this before it snowballs into something serious. 
• Physical activity – The slump and motivation tanking low is inevitable while grieving. However, committing yourself even to a short walk can help you regulate the painful emotions better. 
• Sleep – insomnia is a symptom of grief. It often happens so that when we hit the pillow, our mindless wanderings circle us back to the suffering we had been trying to come over. Sleeping schedules are then disrupted and make you crankier the next day. A good sleep, on the other hand, helps navigate the challenges of griefs and grieving processes.