I was lazily scrolling through a dating app one day, and a boy’s answer to “One thing you should know about me” read – “I’m bipolar, and life isn’t easy. You wanna do me a favour?” It was ballsy to mention your mental illness in your dating bio. I wonder why he felt the need to put it out there.

Piqued with curiosity and charmed by his honesty, I swiped right. We didn’t hit it off, but he did teach me a lot about dating someone with a mental illness. My virtual date was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 21 and has been on medications and therapy ever since. When he decided to play the dating field, he felt it was important that his potential dates knew what being bipolar meant. It was an essential part of his identity. Although he would communicate his condition with time, he didn’t want to be matched with someone who invisibilizes or stigmatizes mental illnesses.

Dating someone who struggles with mental health issues may be challenging, but it is possible to construct a healthy relationship with a solid effort and the proper boundaries. Pankhuri Bhatia, a 25-year-old corporate trainer shares, “I once dated a man who had schizophrenia. The relationship didn’t get off the ground, but he always lauded me for being patient and kind during his fits.” Exercising patience and kindness is fundamental to being a supportive partner.

“Giving them the space for rehabilitative care without

making them feel guilty lays the groundwork for a strong relationship.

Your relationship might take a

backseat because they are spending more time alone or doing activities that help them regain a sense

of balance but keeps you both going in the long haul.”

Suppose your partner suffers from anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other mental illnesses. In that case, they might end up on either end of the emotional spectrum on any day and taking these mood swings personally might worsen matters. Allowing them to cope at their own pace softens the blow of their psychological distress. Giving them the space for rehabilitative care without making them feel guilty lays the groundwork for a strong relationship. Your relationship might take a backseat because they are spending more time alone or doing activities that help them regain a sense of balance but keeps you both going in the long haul.

Another ingredient to the #relationshipgoals recipe is clear communication. It becomes essential when dating a partner with a mental illness because their actions, words, and feelings can be affected. Having an honest and open dialogue might not come so quickly to them. Sometimes, you might have to read between the lines and attempt to interpret their feelings for them. Himani Shah, a 26-year-old working for an advertising agency, shares an experience – “I dated a man diagnosed with clinical anxiety, and he would say the exact opposite of what he wanted when experiencing an attack. I slowly understood that he feels *exposed*with time, and although he wants me to be there, he shuns me away in vulnerability.”

Letting things be or taking them for their word can take an ugly turn. One might not master this right off the bat, but a few setbacks and you will map your way out.

“The line between supporting and fixing someone’s

psychological distress is surprisingly thin,

and crossing it might feed into fights and misunderstandings.”

It is crucial to remember that you shouldn’t play personal therapist to your partner. The line between supporting and fixing someone’s psychological distress is surprisingly thin, and crossing it might feed into fights and misunderstandings. If your partner isn’t seeking treatment for their medical condition, their symptoms might persist and even worsen with time. If they are in denial of their situation or wary of seeking help – you could nudge them on their journey to wellness. A 32-year-old Mechatronics Engineer shares – “My wife was showing symptoms of postpartum depression after the birth of our first child. She was chiding it away, but I saw through it. I gifted her a therapy session, and she was very annoyed. She attended the appointment, though, and it helped her process.”

Being with someone with mental illnesses might get taxing with time. After all, being someone’s 3 am isn’t an easy job. It might get to you if you don’t look out for yourself.

What helps is setting boundaries for yourself and avoiding over-functioning on your partner’s behalf. This reinforces the idea that they can’t do anything for themselves and skews the balance in a relationship. It is essential to look out for yourself and not shy away from finding support outside the relationship.