Not to take away the joy of people stuffing you with food and the never-ending intrigue about your wedding plans, it’s safe to say that millennials have a love-hate relationship with their extended families.

We’re exploring the growing and evolving millennial relationships with relatives through real experiences.

Remember Sima Aunty from the hit Netflix reality show Indian Matchmaking? “I think she should change her talking pattern also”, “but what I found is she’s not stable” and so on. Yeah, the memes did not lie. 

While boomers constantly criticize millennials for lacking any sense of family values. We looked into this claim and turns out that most millennials aren’t as opposed to knowing their relatives as they are of the “aunty” culture. 

“The “aunty” culture isn’t

restricted to just women in the family, nor is it limited to Indian households but,

it is a popular opinion amongst many millennials.”

“Aunties are older Indian women who are allowed to have opinions on your life and all your shortcomings”- paraphrased from the popular Netflix teen dra-medy, Never Have I Ever. The description accurately explains why millennials are choosing not to interact with their extended families. Of course, “aunty” culture isn’t restricted to just women in the family, nor is it limited to Indian households but, it is a popular opinion amongst many millennials across the world who dread the interaction with almost-strangers who have strong and unwanted opinions, and no filters. 

We asked a large number of millennials why they aren’t close to their extended families, and a lot of them said that their core values simply aren’t the same as the older generation. More often than not, we can put up a fight with our parents about lifestyle choices, but with relatives, we’re forced to fake a smile. People of newer generations are increasingly becoming open-minded, and hence, they are unable to aid problematic behaviour silently, and this doesn’t seem to be swinging with the aunties. 

“When I speak my mind, t

hey’re left shook, and I have to apologise,

but they get to say what they want.”

Gia (name changed), a 21-year-old summed up the gist of many responses to this conversation, “They’re weird, and I’m weird, but we’re different kinds of weird. Meaning that when I speak my mind, they’re left shook, and I have to apologise, but they get to say what they want”. An article in the New York Times said: “Millennials may feel they have family obligations, but they have obligations to themselves”. Even though this was noted in the context of new family structures; it also extends to the fact that sometimes the new generation decides to distance themselves from social situations that can be intrusive and often negatively impact their mental health. 

The traditional family is no longer the most desirable end goal anymore. A lot of people have moved away from this idea of having the “perfect” family because let’s face it, perfect doesn’t exist. People also hope to skip every wedding or a gathering to dodge the “What are you doing in life?” question which brings along with it a momentary existential crisis. 

Indian families, in particular, have a reputation for being ‘closely-knit’ for many generations, which is why it’s interesting to see the new generation not participating as much anymore. Older generations are continually trying to help youngsters be more involved with their families via Whatsapp and excuses disguised as celebrations. Unfortunately, the group texts and sexist dad jokes don’t seem to impress millennials who are added back every time they try to exit.

But at least, groups can be muted but nosy relatives at family functions cannot. They sometimes instigate and an unending spiral of all our shortcomings.

Another significant factor when it comes to the distance between family members is literal physical distance. A lot of people said that they don’t get to interact with extended family often, as gatherings have become infrequent and virtual. “I see them on social media and would actually love to get to know them more, but we just haven’t had the chance,” said a 23-year-old student. This goes to show that the generational shift has ensured that people start thinking more individualistically. 

“A lot of youngsters love spending time with their relatives

and think that their extended family is a hoot. The number of cool uncles

and aunts seem to outweigh the one problematic uncle

that gives them unsolicited advice.”

This is not to say that we’re all on the same boat because people also shared their love for extended families. Some said that they were brought up in a big family, and others, who met them at big occasions seem to have pleasant experiences.

A lot of youngsters love spending time with their relatives and think that their extended family is a hoot. The number of cool uncles and aunts seem to outweigh the one problematic uncle that gives them unsolicited advice. Even if they aren’t categorically “close” to these family members, they genuinely love spending time with them and milk every opportunity they get before going back to the daily rut.

So apparently when compared to the millennial, family-hating stereotype, we’re doing ‘relatively’ better than I thought we were. A lot of us actually are or want to be close to our families. But for those who still despise family functions and roll eyes at the multitude of questions about lifestyle choices from people we barely know, hang in there; we’re in this together.