Our favourite sitcoms and movies have ensured that we have high expectations of love.. and flatmates. On paper, moving out of your parent’s house seems like the epitome of fun. We daydream about a huge apartment filled with plants, fairy lights, and the perfect roommate. We imagine waking up to Sunday morning pancakes and mini dance parties in the living room. But when reality strikes, not all of us are lucky. Sometimes we end up living with people we don’t entirely know. Now, all it leaves us with is awkward hallway interactions and microaggressions that aren’t always addressed. 

If a global pandemic has taught us anything, we need to find a way to coexist with people at home for extended amounts of time. They say communication is critical, but “they” probably don’t know what it’s like living with people you aren’t comfortable around. The urge to pack your stuff and move out to avoid conflict is a real feeling, which is why we sifted through the biggest co-living issues and found non-confrontational methods of dealing with them. 

Your roommate is messy

The classic plot for every roommate situation is pitting a neat freak with a slob. Cleanliness seems to be one of the biggest distresses when living with someone new. You’re either nagging your roommate or being nagged. It’s an awkward conversation to have with someone you live with, and if your roommate doesn’t take things well, it could be the beginning of a passive-aggressive war. In the popular magazine Forbes, Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist says, “Generally, the feeling that you feel from the individual that is acting out passive-aggressive can give you some information on what they are trying to communicate; however, the goal is to not trouble yourself with reading into the implied message,” 

“I lived with someone who needed the room to be ultra-clean at all times. Now, I’m not unclean or dirty, but I can be slightly messy sometimes. That wouldn’t always go down well with her. So we came to a middle ground where I took more of the other household chores, and she cleaned the room according to her standards. I think that was a great middle-ground to be at.” says Ananya, a 24-year-old Sales representative. 

Your roommate eats your food

Real heartbreak is when you fantasize about food that isn’t in your fridge when you get home. It’s hard not to barge in and ask your roommate why they’d betray you like that. But your rage also feels irrational when you realize that it’s a very tiny quantity of food. Even they probably didn’t know how much value you attached to that small slice of cake. But how do you address the issue without coming off as petty? 

Dr John Mayer, a clinical psychologist, tells the magazine Elite Daily that one should “model good behaviour” For example, you should snack on your roommate’s food BUT also replace it and let them know. They’ll now understand this as ground rules without the need for an awkward conversation. Plus, you can always label anything that you specifically want and ask them to do the same. 

Constant visitors

Even for people who love social interaction, practically living with your roommate’s friends or significant other is annoying. If you don’t know them well enough, you won’t be comfortable in your own home. 

“My roommate’s boyfriend was over all the time and gave me zero privacy. They would often ask me to chill with them out of courtesy. I never took them up on the offer, but it was the best decision ever when I finally gave in. Her boyfriend was actually super sweet, and we all become pretty good friends eventually,” says Naina, a 28-year-old doctor.

For people who don’t have it so easy, psychotherapist, Dr Laura Dabney, tells popular UK magazine Bustle suggests that you have a conversation where you pinpoint the specifics. “If you are mad that since they showed up, the water bill has skyrocketed, then maybe talking to your roommate about splitting the water bill a different way may make you feel better,” she says. But you can also consider coming up with a schedule that helps you find alone time and doesn’t disrupt your roommate’s entire life.

Sharing a space with someone isn’t easy. We have to be ready to compromise and take a step back continually. A lot of what we’ve mentioned can apply to other situations as well. The aim is to be tactful and cause a minimal amount of damage to the equation. After all, it would be pretty easy for them to mess with you; they know where you live.