It’s 2020, and the world came to a standstill as an unprecedented global health pandemic determined or even changed how we perceived life worldwide. For those privileged to stay home and access warm food and clothing, it meant having to worry about living with ourselves and our families. “Homework” (not the school kind) and office work happened under the same roof. This gave way to a fascinating conversation. As we step toward a more forward-thinking society, are household chores equally distributed? And if they are, why are women still feeling the pressure to outperform men? It’s 2022 and things haven’t changed much, have they?

In an interview with The Times of India, Bollywood actress Vidya Balan said, “I never wanted to cook because I thought it was a symbol of domestication”. This is an exciting statement because this is a potentially underlying dilemma many modern women face. Are these household chores a sign of domestication? If the work is done in seemingly equal measures, are they still divided as gendered activities?

An article in the Huffington Post quoted Dr Rajat Thukral- a psychologist with a private practice in South Delhi. He says, “even women who have always been encouraged to seek financial independence have learned—from family, popular culture, and wider society—that they must also be responsible for the home, hearth, and nurturance. For them, it is not an either-or configuration as it is for many men”.

“A man contributes to doing half the

chores around the house, *as told*.

But a woman is often seen worrying about things

that don’t even occur to their male partners.”

So while these women are balancing a very fulfilling work/home life, they are often more involved with the upkeep and maintenance of the house. Emma’s French comic illustrated a concept called “the mental load.” She talks about how, statistically, men are now more involved in household chores than ever before, but women continue to take the brunt of it.

For example, a man contributes to doing half the chores around the house, *as told*. But a woman is often seen worrying about things that don’t even occur to their male partners. This comes from a certain amount of conditioning we aren’t also aware of most times.

“Having your partner help around the house stems from the more privileged strata of society.

Yet, society’s expectations play a huge role in making women feel they must either

comply or rebel against the system regarding their homes.

Any space in the middle where they see themselves participating in a traditionally

female activity causes certain discomfort.”

Many women take up household chores simply because they are unhappy with the way their partners approach the task. For example, they prefer cleaning the house because their partners can’t meet hygiene standards. But this also comes from a culture of infantilizing men in the household. Of course, as time passes, a shifting culture gives way to more exceptions. An article in The Atlantic delves into The Motivational Hypothesis, which suggests that “men may be unwilling to respond to family needs because they either believe they will not respond correctly or their partners will criticize them for not responding correctly”. It probably refers to the idea that men are not always taught the right way to do a chore, so they prefer leaving it up to their partner.

Many modern women often feel domesticated when they live with their partners. Of course, having your partner help around the house stems from the more privileged strata of society. Yet, society’s expectations play a huge role in making women feel they must either comply or rebel against the system regarding their homes. Any space in the middle where they see themselves participating in a traditionally female activity causes certain discomfort.

“I don’t think doing household chores is a sign of domestication. Self-sufficiency is important for all adults, irrespective of their gender. But certain expectations fall upon women. The important part is to have a choice. People shouldn’t expect you to do household chores merely because you’re a woman.” says Samykya, a 27-year-old advocate.

Is it always a bad thing?

Numerous women also feel that while it’s a meaningful conversation to have and address, they don’t always view this situation negatively. For them, it’s about co-existing with someone, and as long as their partner contributes to household chores, it works well. Yet, in many cases, these women still fear not being “modern enough.” A study done by Psychology Today suggests that “Women think the situation is unfair only if all, or virtually all, of the workload falls on her.”

A study by Mary Noonan in the Journal of Marriage and Family says that gender differences in housework disappear when viewed as tasks. She says we must distribute an equal number of chores around the house and hold people accountable. She even suggests that focusing on the type of housework we distribute (instead of just how much one is doing) can go a long way in eventually affecting the wage gap.

It’s essential to have more conversations about the role of men and women in modern households. As we come out of this shell that contains all things patriarchal, it’s essential to acknowledge that there will be differences between generations. Young people must be desensitized to the differences between “masculine” and “feminine” jobs. These patterns may be deeply ingrained in us, but even the most minor steps forward shape new expectations.