Have you ever caught yourself posting a picture or a selfie on Instagram after a bad day as though nothing bad ever happened? You’re trying to convince yourself that you are as cheery as the person in that picture. We’re often told to “be positive” to make our lives better. But does this work? Can everything be fixed with a mere “Don’t worry, Be Happy”? Amidst a generation of “Good Vibes Only”, you’d imagine the effects of positivity are well… positive. But as we know, too much of a good thing doesn’t always have the best outcome. 

“When you ask someone to assume this fake facade of positivity,

they don’t see it as practical advice.

They often feel like they aren’t being heard or that their problems are not big enough to be addressed.”

What is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is a culture where people portray themselves to be happy at all times. Psychology Today says, “It means only focusing on positive things and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions”. We are often told that a shift in attitude is all we require. But this prevents people from actually dealing with their *other* emotions. For some, positivity is a coping mechanism—a way to deal with the hardships of life. But without realising it, you might be causing more harm than good.

Toxic positivity also extends to the advice you give others. When you ask someone to assume this fake facade of positivity, they don’t see it as practical advice. They often feel like they aren’t being heard or that their problems are not big enough to be addressed.

“Just be positive!”, “Think only happy thoughts”, “See the good in things!”, “Send out positive vibes, and you’ll see!” we’ve either said these or heard someone say that to us. Statements like these dismiss what people feel and conceal what they’re “supposed” to feel. It doesn’t allow any room for people to experience the emotions that they experience. 

Toxic Positivity vs Healthy Positivity

Having a positive outlook on life isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In a world full of pessimists and realists, you may be one of those who choose to see the glass half full. But when this optimism becomes a facade for never acknowledging that things can go wrong- it becomes toxic. Healthy positivity talks about having a positive outlook MOST of the time as opposed to ALL the time. 

It is grounded in reality. It’s saying, “I’m sure that must be very hard to deal with. What can I do to make it better?” rather than “Just be positive, and everything will be okay.”

Saying, “I know It’s hard to remain positive right now, but I’m hopeful that things will turn out to be better”, is an excellent example as it acknowledges the other person’s feelings AND provides a positive outlook. 

“Many people tend only to put out the best versions of themselves

that don’t encapsulate their downfalls. In turn, this affects

us as we associate a sense of shame with not being happy all the time.”

Why is it harmful?

Toxic positivity eventually makes us suppress our emotions. When you push your feelings to the back burner, you make them more significant than they are. Not processing your feelings can lead to outbursts of emotions when you least expect it. It’s important to talk about our feelings to move on properly. 

We see this phenomenon being practised by a lot of people on social media. Many people tend only to put out the best versions of themselves that don’t encapsulate their downfalls. In turn, this affects us as we associate a sense of shame with not being happy all the time. Many influencers and celebrities are now attempting to change the course of this narrative by showing their followers the other aspects of their lives. 

Eventually, we have to realise that there is no shame associated with feeling negative emotions. What we think cannot necessarily classify as “good” and “bad”. Things aren’t always in our favour, and we can’t always be expected to assume that they’ll get better instantly. Allowing people to express themselves in the way they best deem fit is all we can do. 

While there may be a silver lining in most situations, you first must acknowledge the dark clouds to see them. Everyone has bad days—even your favourite influencer who usually keeps your spirits up. Embracing your emotions may make you more relatable the next time somebody comes to you for advice.