“It’s not me; It’s you.”

Often in life, we’re stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make us happy. Not only romantic partners- this extends to our friends and family as well. Sometimes people aren’t the right fit for us. A day of hanging out with them has us scouting for excuses and avoiding their phone calls. They’re probably great people, but the equation doesn’t seem to be working. Our first instinct tells us to ghost them. As far as they’re concerned, we’ve disappeared off the face of the earth. But is this okay and healthy? Not always.

Ghosting someone doesn’t necessarily have to be an unhealthy way of breaking a relationship. In a lot of cases, people leave you no choice but to cut them off. But for those who don’t derive a sense of closure from this act, ghosting someone leaves room for them to reappear someday. For those who want to let someone know that their actions hurt us, addressing the issue becomes necessary. This is why we’re here to help you find newer ways to let people go.

Here are some reasons to why we would we want to cut someone off

• One-Sided Effort: The kind of relationship where you’re continually sending that first text and scarcely receiving a reply. You almost feel like the entire relationship wouldn’t exist if you stopped putting in the effort. Even your second chance was wasted on them as their empty promises of making more time for you has gone down the drain. 

• Growing Apart: Growing up can almost feel like you’re growing apart from old friends. This isn’t always a bad thing. But if you’ve realized that the relationship no longer sparks joy in you, it’s probably time to let go. 

• Different Core Values: If a person in your life has core values that are drastically different from yours, maintaining it can be difficult. For a lot of people, this kind of friendship isn’t a deal-breaker. But sometimes, your core values aren’t up for debate. If you feel drained by this constant back and forth, engaging with them can feel like a task.

• Negative Competition: Friendly competition with your closest friends always exists. But when every aspect of your relationship is defined by unhealthy competition, it’s hard to look past it. 

A lot of these issues are fixable. A conversation about your feelings should often do the trick. But if you’ve given them enough time and chances, it’s probably time to pull the plug. Here are some healthy ways you can let them down.

How to gracefully break-up with someone

• “The Talk”: This is the crucial conversation that ends most relationships. Whether you slap on some cliches or get creative with your speech- it’s going to be uncomfortable. This is an opportunity to get rid of all the weight you’ve been carrying on your shoulders. There may be scope for reconciliation, but if you’re sure of your decision, stand your ground.

• Fading out: This is a long drawn process that can help non-confrontational people. The idea is to slowly make your meetings scarce until the process seems very natural. Once you grow apart, letting go is much more comfortable.

• One Final Text: The worst part about being ghosted is not knowing what went wrong. This is precisely how you can help the situation. Draft a goodbye message to the person that clearly states why you are no longer invested in the relationship. After this, you can either block them or stop replying. It provides you with a sense of closure and saves the other person of uncertainty.

• Taking a Break: Like Ross and Rachel in the popular sitcom, Friends, a break may be what you need to gain some perspective. Taking time off from any relationship can help you understand whether or not you were deriving any happiness from it. It also helps you form the final decision where you rip the bandaid off. 

Moving On

The loss of any relationship- romantic or platonic, can be very hurtful. After all, you’ve put in the time and effort to cultivate it. Even if the break-up was your decision, letting someone go is harder than it looks. Moving on from this is based on what works best for you. 

Grieve your loss the way you deem fit- whether it’s a binge eating fest or an emotional night with your thoughts. You’re probably going to be overthinking it, so talk to someone who can reaffirm your decision. Also, know that while it seems like the end of the world, it’s probably more common than you think.

It’s hard to reaffirm ourselves in the case of such decisions. Cutting someone out of your life is a big deal and, often, an important step. If you’re on your way to break up with someone as you’re reading this, we’re rooting for you.